UNBELIEVABLE!!!!

So, for a TROPICAL STORM packing MAXIMUM winds of 45 mph, which will make landfall on the SOUTHERN TIP OF FLORIDA, the Seminole County School Board is closing tomorrow "for the storm."

I shake my feathered little head in stunned, annoyed disbelief. For those of you who do NOT know the geography of Florida, here is what the NIMROD FEAR MONGERS of local weather are telling us is going to happen:

A Tropical Storm which MAY get as strong as 60mph will impact the southern tip of Florida (probably the SE corner - Miami). This Evil Horrid Gigantic Leviathan of Wind and Rain will NOT LOSE ANY STRENGTH OR SPEED while it travels through: Monroe County, Dade County, Charlotte County, Broward County, Palm Beach County, St. Lucie County, Indian River County, Osceola, Orange County (a distance of 263 miles) and HIT US with the SAME 60 mph at which it came on shore.

This. Is. Not. Physically. POSSIBLE. THIS storm doesn't even have a well defined center of circulation, didn't when it hit Cuba, still doesn't.

Even Hurricane Charlie, which devastated Port Charlotte as a Cat 4 and ZOOMED through the state at HIGH SPEED and WAS very well organized, had downgraded to a Cat 2 by the time to flew RIGHT OVER MY HOUSE.

So, the local weather fear mongers owe me $165.00 for a day's lost work (I am OUT of leave time) and an apology when a BAD storm, with GUSTS of up to MAYBE 40 mph rattle some of my trees.

Darling Man is equally appalled that you can live in Florida for more than one year and NOT KNOW the FIRST RULE of circulating storms and NOT get sued for SCARING THE HELL out of people for no reason.

This backfires, because when Ernesto does not "devastate" us, and when the local fools keep preparing us for "devastation" over TROPICAL STORMS THAT DON'T LAND RIGHT ON TOP OF US AT FULL SPEED, residents stop listening to valid, real warnings for really bad storms.

This happened in 1992. For nearly 30 years, the local media in Miami went into Apocalypse Mode for EVERY tropical storm/hurricane that reared its head, INCLUDING ones where the FAR WESTERN EDGE of the storm was projected at 50 miles EAST of the mainland.

NONE of these storms, from 1966 through 8/24/1992 hit. So, when ANDREW came around, a really dangerous, catastrophic Cat 5 that took the ROOF OFF OVER MY HEAD, no one paid attention. They had been scared silly for no real reason for SO long, that no weather forecast of doom had any credibility.

SOMEONE needs to get on camera and tell local residents the TRUTH:
1) Hi! A tropical storm is going to make landfall in South Florida sometime later tonight. It will hit the SOUTH with est. winds of at least 45 - up to 60 mph. Now, since tropical storms and hurricanes lose strength as SOON as they make landfall, we here in central Florida, who are hundreds of miles NORTH of the estimated landfall, can expect:

2) Sustained winds of 20-30 mph with occasional gusts up to 40 mph, on the southwest edge of the system.

3) Rain. Lots of it.

4) Most residents of the broadcast area will experience NO power outtages, although there may be fluctuations during the stronger gusts.

5) make popcorn, turn on HBO....



Shame on them for NOT doing so.

Still waiting for common sense to rear its head somewhere.

hugs & grrs,
Alysoun

Calm DOWN!!!

Tropical Storm Ernesto is NOT a sign of the Apocalypse.
A storm that hits the EVERGLADES as a Category one Storm CANNOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES KNOWN TO METEOROLOGY, REMAIN A CAT 1 263 MILES NORTH, IN ORLANDO.

The local "news" media should be spanked hard, in ways they would NOT enjoy for yet again pandering to the ratings boost of fear by putting LARGE "1" signs from the Everglades through St. Augustine. They are stupid, pandering, ignorant, fear-mongering JERKS who should have their licenses to broadcast revoked.

Look, Hurricane Charlie came on shore as a Category 4, moved HARD and FAST through the state, and hit Orlando as a Category 2.

SO.

THINK for a minute......HOW ON EARTH will a Cat 1 storm REMAIN one over land?

Answer: IT CAN'T.

This is but one reason I have ignored local news outlets for 10 years. They know NOTHING and are relentless in their perverse desire to scare people into watching them.

Shame on them.

**we will return to our regularly scheduled humor later**


Hugs,
Alysoun

Fire Festival

Greetings, especially runnergirl (I KNOW WHO YOU ARE NOW - MUAHAHAA) and Steel Wool.

Back from the Surprise Party. A Dear Friend has graduated Fire Academy, received his state certification and lost 150 pounds of Evil Wife. Certainly cause for much celebration all the way around. Anyway, much fun was had by all, many thanks to runnergirl for being such a nifty hostess and a shout out to Jill1 for keeping me awake on the long ride home.

So...you know those lovely, handsome, brave & strong FireFighters upon whom we count to Save Our Lives and Property when disaster strikes?

COMPLETE NUTTERS, ALL of them.

Now, Runnergirl had arranged a lovely party, grilled meat, nice salsa (sorry again, btw - will aim the bottles differently next time), much nifty snacking and of course BEER. Lovely cake brought by firefighter buddies of the Dear Friend featuring a crashed motorcycle on fire.

Fine.

Then...the evening's entertainment.

Firefighters. Ladies and Gentlemen trained in the art and science of fire, LIGHTING SMALL WOODEN TOY HOUSES ON FIRE with TORCH FUEL...OUTSIDE where NORMAL PEOPLE could see...and then having contests as to whom could put them out First. Fabio won all rounds, although the last round featured a Wooden House that was still merrily on Fire. So HOW did the 4 trained firefighters present DEAL with the burning house???

Did they MOVE the bottle of torch fuel?

Did they DOUSE it with the HOSE??

....

...

No.

They played soccer with it.

I am SO relieved that these fine People are responsible for Our Safety, aren't you?

All in, a fine time was had by all, despite the Dolphins' loss to the Panthers, which will be a cause of much lamenting and gnashing of teeth when I wake up.

Back home far too late (or early, depending on your point of view), and the Darling Man was glad to see us safely returned to the nest.

Well darlings, off to "work".

Hugs,
Alysoun

Rantings from a Bird Gone Horribly, Horribly
Wrong

So, my evil sister Steel Wool is making me start a blog, apaprently because she, alone among all "sentient" beings in the galaxy has decided *I* don't share enough. Anyone who actually KNOWS me and read that last sentence is weeping, nay verily they are SOBBING with laughter at the very concept.

I shall attempt to protect what is LEFT of the reputations of my dearest friends and family members by oh-so cleverly disguising their identities as listed below, ensuring that THEY won't have a clue, almost everybody else in the world WILL, and all of us will get them confused and wrong and destroy the shreds of dignity and self-respect that linger in our hearts as we conveniently have total strangers living together and Royal Peers in need of permission slips to attend their 7th grade field trip to Islands of Adventure. You may wish to print this out for future reference. I know I will.

So, The Players:

The Bird: Moi, your overly intelligent Host

Splendid Man: the Bird's spouse

Darling Boy: the Bird's eldest spawn

Precious Boy: the Bird's youngest spawn

Steel Wool: Source of agony. Protege to the Bird and a Force Not to be Mocked, except by ME, the Family, the Boys, Mittens, Turtle and oh well...have at it.

Turtle: Beloved of Steel Wool.

Fabio: a Dear Friend, source of much amusement for the Bird, Steel Wool and in fact several citizens of the SCA dba Kingdom of Trimaris. Despite the torture Fabio receivesd at our hands, he is much-loved.

Mittens: See "Fabio": different person, same side effects. Even about the "much-loved" part, but don't tell HIM that, because the Bird will never hear the end of it.

The Boys: The Bird's dearest friends, a couple of sweet gentlemen who are very much in love with each other.

Thing 1: Taller one of the Boys
Thing 2: oh don't make me say it.

Darling Girl: The Bird's oldest friend, raises horses and heartrates.

The Family: the Bird's clan of chosen family members. Fav color: international distress orange (IDO). Yes, really.

Ancestors: the Bird's parents. Mythical creatures believed by many to be the Font of Patience. Believed by the Bird and Splendid Man to be in need of much intensive psychotherapy.

More later.....God help you all.

Hugs,
Alysoun